When you are compatible with someone but don’t have many interests in common, are you doomed? In my humble opinion, I say no. Depending on a few things. If you occupy a similar energy and overall mindset/attitude and mutual understanding of expectations, this can usually offset contrasts in hobbies. I’ve been in situations when I had a great deal of similar interests with someone, but the mindset and energy put in, and overall attitude towards the relationship didn’t mesh. Rather, they battled head-to-head. It was constant conflict due to two different perspectives of what’s important in a relationship. One person putting more energy in and being more attentive, the other doing the bare minimum and focusing on their “work and the non-stop circle of deadlines looming”.
I’ve seen many relationships that will encompass two people who genuinely want to understand the other person and support them, but they can’t grasp what the other person is ever feeling or communicating. They think they are trying, but they are trying in all the wrong ways. They are riding on a different wave that’s leading to the rocks rather than the sandy beach. All the while, I’m laying on my towel, digging my toes into the sand, hoping they ride in soon. People can be so complicated… myself included.
I realized recently I’d rather have someone who gets my mindset and perspective on most things and puts the same energy into the relationship as I do, than have a partner who has more shared interests, but never puts that time and devotion into the relationship. It’s what matters most. Without a commitment to the other persons happiness and having a mindset that rides on the same wave as your partner, you’re sitting alone on the beach, waiting for someone to come that doesn’t even know how to swim. Yes, it can be frustrating when you yearn to do your favorite things with your romantic partner, but at the same time, it’s much more frustrating when you have shared interests with someone who dismisses you or doesn’t try to make you their priority.
We all have different needs…and that’s okay. It’s just a matter of establishing what’s most important to you, (shared interests or shared understanding) and always being open and forthcoming to that truth. If you end up with both, booyah. Time to dance!
