“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”

I often wonder just how many misunderstandings occur each day. No two minds are exactly alike. People don’t often have the time, circumstances, or nerve to explain the intention behind all actions, words expressed, or looks exchanged; not to mention that would consume one’s day quite extensively if we did.

There are many people who can engage in a social situation and run forward, pushing past it, not digesting the words or behavior. They go about their day, comparable to eating a meal and moving on to dessert. They don’t need to give it a second thought, right? They took it in and are moving on to whatever comes next. Well, I often analyze things and unless I have a very close relationship with this person and free liberty to ask questions, I’m usually left to make an educated assessment of their tone, energy, expression and words unspoken. Most of us don’t have the bravado necessary to return to this person and ask “follow-up” questions to clarify what we’ve assumed, upon pondering on the conversation for a bit. Conversations and unspoken behavior is really all rooted on assumptions, perception and interpretation. Oh, how I hope I interpret most interactions accurately.

Do you ever leave work after a busy day filled with meetings, phone calls, small talk, deep talk, and then drive home to wonder and contemplate what they meant by that? Or flip it back onto yourself and hope you expressed yourself accurately? Assumptions can lead to detrimental misunderstandings, but often, those misunderstandings are ignored. I wish it was socially acceptable to walk around with a notepad and as you think of questions or clarification needed, jot it down, tear the sheet out, leave it on a co-worker’s desk, a friends kitchen table, or atop an in-laws purse, just to be sure you understood, or to clarify something you expressed to avoid hurt feelings. I think this is why those closest to me usually say, “You’re worrying over nothing”, or, “I’m sure you expressed yourself accurately. You have nothing to worry about.” But what if….?

I despise talking on the phone and can’t help but wonder if it’s primarily due the lack of visual cues. I like to observe facial expressions and gestures and feel very uncomfortable solely hearing a voice without that impactful visual confirmation to back it up. Not to mention, I love writing my thoughts out because I can backspace after I read it over and realize, “that’s coming off harsh”, or, “that could be misinterpreted”…let’s backspace away! But when we’re faced with the day-to-day and can’t backspace the words escaping from our lips, don’t assume the worst. If something seems off about what someone has been expressed, give people the benefit of the doubt- don’t assume. Assumptions are the termites of the relationships…don’t encourage things to crumble.