Do you ever feel like your introvert self is melting away? As if the world is holding up a fierce circle of overbearing, burning candles that surround you? You keep blowing at the fire, trying to get relief from at least one of the candles, but the flame won’t wane? I go through phases where I can deal with the heat. I can put a smile on and get through it, without feeling like my happy soul is melting away into the drains of Introvert Land. Other days, down I go. Swirling away. Welp. It’s been swell guys. I hope to see you again soon.
At times, I feel like I’m just in survival mode amongst a world run by more energetic, loud, less sensitive folk. I envy them sometimes. During these “get through it” modes, I’ve found it hard for most friends to understand how I really do want to stay in touch in between hang outs, but prefer text, email or audio messages. Please God, don’t facetime me unless you’re about to fall into the cave of dark desolation and need me to catch you. I even avoid speaking into the remote when searching for shows on streaming services. I’ll just type, pretty please. Yes, it takes three times as long but hey, both lead to the same results, right?
I want to be the person my friends and family need me to be. It’s hard being the “quiet one” who is working full-time in a highly outgoing, extroverted field (Marketing) where people are loud, relishing in the fast-paced, deadline driven energy, enjoying the limelight of presentations and entertaining clients with small talk in loud places, (assuming that I do too). By the time you get done with work for the day, you realize you have to focus your energy on quickly recharging the rest of the evening to prepare for the following work day, while still getting some exercise in, engaging with your spouse and being productive in maintaining a home.
This is one of the aspects of myself I feel very frustrated by…wishing I could just be the person everyone else needs me to be. I don’t like disappointing people, and candidly revealing how certain “extrovert” things bleed my happy soul away into the dark drains of Introvert Land are scary to admit out loud. I admire the more outgoing, the different from me, the less sensitive people in this world, and hope their patience for the quiet ones remain prevalent. It’s hard being the odd man out sometimes.
