The other day I went out for a run and felt like I had been reincarnated as a log being dragged behind an old, nearly broken car. My legs were shaking, my knees hurt, my head felt heavy, and my chest felt like it had transformed a into wheezy windpipe. I walked outside of my house with my watch in place, my music ready and my soon-to-be rubbed raw areas of skin, all lotion covered. I stood there for a moment and said to myself, “I don’t want to. I’m tired.” I peered around the neighborhood looking for inspiration in the hot, sweltering sun. I felt none. I sighed and looked around again. I exhaled out the disappointed lack of revolution and simultaneously found my playlist, pushed my start button on the watch and began my run.
Now, I do normally love running and wish I could do it every day. As noted in a previous post, I’m not able to due to injuries…but then there are days like this day. Days that I physically feel like I should be excited to run and for no reason, I feel beaten down, confused and frustrated with myself. “Be thankful you can be active. Go! Do it. Stop thinking.” And so… I go.
I started down the path and realized nothing felt good. I felt sore, tired and mentally not in it. My knee started throbbing and I thought, “Why? Now this?! Noooo!” I decided I’d keep going until I reached a specific corner and see if I felt better. I finally reached this corner after much heavy breathing, eyes irritatingly red with sweat and the negative thoughts still swarming me. Even still, I thought, “You made it this far, you may as well keep going.” After reaching my half-way point, I turned around and realized I had been so out of my head and into the song I was listening to that I forgot. I forgot about the discomfort I felt, the heavy chest and knee pain. And perhaps it was the endorphins, perhaps it was my body finally loosening up, but I felt better. I felt excited to keep running.
Mental barriers are annoying, intrusive and can completely ruin a positive experience and positive growth, if we allow it. Sometimes its good to analyze those negative thoughts were battling and understand them…other times, it’s good to kick those thoughts off the cliff and wave goodbye with a smile in tow. Don’t give them the time or effort. Kick them away and just, GO. Do it. Yes, the negative thoughts or fears are still there…so what? Just go. Maybe they will fall off you on your “run” of escape, or maybe they will latch onto your knee like a small toddler eager for a ride, but you won’t know until you try.
It’s harder to continue on with the extra weight latching hold of you, but you can still move. Move your mind into the scary stuff, move into your fears, move into the darkness, move into the unknown…move and it will at some point, fall away. Move today. Move tomorrow. Never stop. Just move.