Obligatory small talk. It’s almost bad enough to make your ears bend into odd shapes and trigger you to whip out your notepad and vent about! (My cat gets it!)
Do you ever get invited out to a larger gathering with folks you don’t know on a personal level (or perhaps a smaller work lunch) and immediately feel panic inside? The list of conversation starters you’ve mentally stored spiral rampantly within your head and you realize that despite not having the energy to give, you have no choice or option to bail. You have to suck it up and get through this meal, event or meeting. Interestingly, as an introvert with anxiety, I feel immense pressure to make other people comfortable. I want everyone there to feel at ease…. meaning, if no one is talking and people feel uncomfortable with the energy in the room, I sense it and automatically feel the responsibility to step up and find ways to engage the group. This could mean asking a general question to the entire table or asking someone something specific (and not too personal) that will allow them to brag about themselves a bit.
Ironically, the girl who loathes small talk can be one of the best small talkers, but…with that skill comes a big price. It’s astonishing to me that most people I know get excited for a free work lunch or the boss asking everyone out for drinks after work. I, on the other hand feel my stomach sink, my stubbornness set in, and I feel violated and resentful! My personal recharge time is being stolen. How dare you steal my quality alone time! I smile and grit my teeth, pretending all is fine.
Obligatory events or meals of this tone leave me frazzled, drained, peeved and desperate for recharge, quiet time afterward. I’ve gone into these settings saying to myself, “I just won’t make an effort this time. I don’t have it in me. I’ll be quiet and if no one else steps up, so be it.” But then, in the moment, I observe the eyes of each person looking down awkwardly at their plate, I hear someone else sighing loudly, while another decides to pull out their phone….oh wait! They ALL pull out their phones. Why on earth do people go out for a work lunch if they aren’t going to make an effort to engage and show interest?
A few previous times that I’ve been thrown into this entrapment, I just ate, drank, and smiled occasionally. All the while thinking, “Nope. I shall not lead the conversation this time. I’m tired and want to be eating in my car right now.” Those moments left me feeling like a selfish ass hole, but very less drained. I wish I didn’t care so much about putting other people at ease, even if it’s to my detriment. Do you ever experience this forceful obligation within your soul? Smacking you into a corner of obligatory, dreaded small talk? I see you. I feel your angst. Perhaps they appreciate it and notice the effort (deep down)? If not, lets all just smile and nod, shall we?
