How do you help those unable to make necessary changes in themselves? This could fall into any category really, but let’s shoot the dart towards toxic and/or abusive relationships. Why do some people stay in that type of situation and continue to lay captive within a dark web of stress and unhealthy energy? Especially if both parties are treating each other with lack of respect and love? It could be stemmed from lack of confidence, lack of strength to pull themselves away from something they have grown used to, fear of being alone, anxiety over disappointing others, lack of self-control and an unhealthy physical desire pulling them towards this person.
A person that is looking at the situation from the outside in, can easily dissect it and see what should change, recognizing the steps each person needs to focus on individually and then together. You may even offer advice to this pair, but they don’t take it. How do you help people make changes within themselves to improve a situation? You can’t. Some people make a choice one day, then before they have a chance to look around, it becomes a pattern they’ve grown accustomed to. It’s their “normal”. Whether it be a single man who has a substance abuse problem that he keeps succumbing to, or a couple who is addicted to a toxic, abusive relationship, is there a way to make them understand why their behavior needs to change?
It’s also interesting how some personalities keep to themselves while going through these types of situations, while others vent, cry and call out for help, advice, physical assistance, etc. If a person is asking for help to deal with such situations, but doesn’t ever seem to listen to your suggestions or advice, do you toss them aside and build up a “peace only wall” to avoid the unnecessary stress? It’s tough to be on the calmer end of things and not want to be rude, disregard people or appear unsupportive of their frustrations in life. When do you say, “I’ve told you what I think you should do. If you won’t do it, I’m not helping or willing to listen to this anymore.”
A life without peace is one no one should have to suffer through. And yet sometimes, people are afraid of the quiet, the serenity, the calm. People don’t know what to do with it. If we can all learn to run towards the peace, the warmth and beauty of a “boring” existence, tranquility will follow us everywhere, including our relationships. In the end, I suppose it’s up to each person to make a decision, find their inner peace, vocalize it and force those surrounding them to respect it. If not, “peace only wall” it is!
“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”
-Dalai Lama
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
― Jim Rohn