Have you ever been the target of juicy gossip? It seems that most of us have, at one point or another. My worst experience was when I was going through my divorce several years ago. I was just trying to deal, but all these curious kittens couldn’t keep their nosey noses out of it. They MUST know the details. But why? What draws people to bad news like a gnat is drawn to a mushy, old, rotting piece of fruit? People don’t seem anxious to find out all the marvelous details of a couple’s happy love life. One would think that would be much more useful to know!
Humans are generally very curious creatures. No denying that. I wonder why some people are enticed by the drama or the fictitious scandal. Gossip seems to draw flocks of people together, something to “bond” over. I’ve hit a point in my life where I ignore a conversation revolving around anything negative said about a person. Unless it’s a close friend or family member I feel obligated to defend, my first rule is to ask myself, “Is this a positive or negative statement?” If it’s positive, I let them share the good news about the job promotion or the excitement of a new home purchased. If it’s negative and in a group setting, I literally turn my back to it. This is always my go-to in the work environment. I ignore it and simply start working.
What if you’re not in a work environment, just out with a group for drinks? This is where it becomes slightly more complicated for us avoiders of conflict folk. I usually ignore it in this setting as well, by showing no interest. I have a no phone rule for myself when I’m in a conversation or out with friends, but if the conversation is steering into a gossip chin wag, I will undoubtedly pick up my phone and avoid engaging, excuse myself, or if I really feel bothered and know what is being said is 100% incorrect, I’ll face the lions and speak up. Speaking up in someone’s defense doesn’t mean we need to be argumentative. Delivery is key! You may say something like, “Actually, that’s not true. Can we change the subject? I’m uncomfortable.” Hopefully the conversation swiftly steers away, resulting in less panic and stress inducing conversation topics.
As a teen I remember reading, “If it’s not your story to tell, don’t tell it”. I still try to keep that statement in the forefront of my thoughts every time a conversation steers into a lane about someone that is not present. What right do I have to share their truth? I don’t. Everyone has their own story. Let them tell it.
I’m glad you wrote about this topic. Maybe it will encourage someone to be kinder. We certainly could use more of it in this world. I’m proud of the person you are! It shows great character to turn away from harmful and hurtful gossip. Write on Rebecca. ✍